LAUGH

Excerpt from:

Surviving, Healing, and Evolving 

Essays of Love, Compassion, Healing, and Affirmation for Black People

See the “SHE” BLOG 

(below after book excerpt)

“Paradise Lost”

          That is often the tragedy of early childhood sexual abuse.

It leaves a lot of talent by the wayside, while fueling many days of rage and tears. I lived half a life powered by a fourth of my brain capacity for much too long because the rest of my brain was often savagely commandeered by a ruthless tormenter who diverted my concentration to self-consciousness and self-righteousness, flanked by fear and stress. I was in a constant battle to put down an insurrection in my head while at the same time trying to live my life with dignity and self-respect

          How did it feel to operate in searing pain that lurked just seconds beneath the surface, threatening to leap out and cause me to dissolve into tears at any time? How did it feel to have a problem that could not be understood, let alone solved? My mind usually told me that I could not—whatever it was—I simply could not, and so, often, I did not because I never even tried. Yet, when I did, the output was usually genius. And that, again, is the fundamental tragedy of childhood sexual abuse; it can take away so much from the so-called “survivor.”

          It destroyed my ability to fully engage in important, meaningful relationships, to be present for people, to be present for myself. Essentially, it took away my ability to be fully human, able to access the vast world around me, to feel a range of emotions, to be an integrated whole being. It stole my spirit, making it hard to be centered and present in a room full of people. 

           Stress, aah, stress. It has been a constant in my life. It has been a part of me, as far back as I can remember, relentlessly compromising the brilliance I am capable of displaying, and doggedly supporting a perfectionism that I have found difficult to curtail and reign in. A perfectionism predicated on the idea that I had to be flawless to push back the belief that I had been sullied and made imperfect. A perfectionism that has caused me a great deal of anguish. A perfectionism that never had to exist in the first place…. 

Excerpted from:  Surviving, Healing, and Evolving: Essays of Love, Compassion, Healing, and Affirmation for Black People

 © 2015, Published in 2022. 

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SHE (Surviving, Healing, and Evolving)

Blog

Managing Feelings

(January 10, 2022)

           If you were sexualized during early childhood, you will probably never quite get over someone invading your body and altering your sense of self. You will probably never get over someone stripping away your ability to govern and control your own body during your early formative years.

          Yet, you can learn how to manage that dark cloud that tries to fix over you from time to time. Learn the signs and symptoms. Learn what triggers that feeling of helplessness that sometimes engulfs you, that you sometimes wake up with. When you know that you are heading into an emotional storm, take cover. Do something. Whatever makes you feel better—a walk, a movie, a good book, getting out of the house, getting away from people who annoy you, spending time in a neutral place like the library reading magazines, lunch with a friend, dinner by yourself in a public place surrounded by people, do something.

           Then, too, accept that sometimes the thing that works is just a good cry.  There is science that says our tears have therapeutic properties, so don’t be afraid to cry. But get up the next day and look to a better day. Just stay in the game because there are no limits to your talents and what you have the ability to accomplish—and deep down inside you know that. There are plenty of people who finish the game strong, even while carrying something heavy. Michael Jordan had four fouls in a playoff game, but he did not foul out of the game. He just continued his run to a championship ring.

          Stay in the game. You deserve to win at whatever you decide to do. Remember that it doesn’t rain all the time. Make a very concerted effort to be happy, to look up, to keep going, no matter what.  (Copyrighted material)

Excerpted from: Surviving, Healing, and Evolving: Essays of Love, Compassion, Healing, and Affirmation for Black People.  Copyright, 2015; Published, 2022.